Picture it: you've been in a relationship for a while, how do you know whether to stay and take the next step or to move on? Luckily there is an expert and they are here to help.
Jerrell Trulove is a relationship coach based in Houston. He helps single people learn how to position themselves for marriage.
“I got into relationship coaching because I know the pain of having relationships fall apart again and again. After over a decade of relationship failure, I finally made intentional changes to how I approached meeting people, and I found my wife,” Trulove said. “I am passionate about helping single people avoid the pitfalls of bad relationship choices, and ultimately, I want to see more people get married and stay married.”
When it comes to why people choose to end relationships, it can really vary from couple to couple. According to marriage.com some of the top-ranking reasons that relationships don’t last is due to poor communication skills, no emotional connection, and unrealistic expectations.
Trulove said that regardless of the reason that couple chooses to end their relationship, it’s always a tough decision.
“Ending relationships is always a tough decision, regardless of the reason. However, I have noticed that in the information age, people tend to leave relationships much faster because they believe there will always be someone else waiting right around the corner that will give them what they want. That can be problematic,” Trulove explained. “I would never tell someone to stay in a relationship that is failing, but just because things aren’t perfect doesn’t mean your relationship is ‘failing.’ Perhaps you two need to put in a little more work and have more intentional conversations rather than being so quick to walk away.”
This relationship coach shared a piece of advice for those that find themselves single after choosing to end a relationship.
“The most important thing a single person can do is position themselves for marriage. The three steps to doing that are getting crystal clear about what you want, learning to articulate what you want, and only entertaining the people who want what you want. If you follow those three steps, you’ll take a quantum leap toward marriage,” Trulove said.
When it comes to the signs of whether someone should stay in their relationship or try to work things out with their partner, Trulove shared what those signs would be.
“There are two very strong signs that you should stay in your relationship, and those are if you and the person you are with can take accountability and admit when you are wrong and if you two have developed the skill of resolving conflict. It’s never a matter of if problems arise, but when. And any problem can be solved with two people that are selfless enough to say the words I’m sorry and can navigate disagreements effectively. Life isn’t perfect. But two people who are on the same page can always take a step in the right direction,” he said.
Trulove shared the following advice for anyone who is thinking of ending a relationship: “I would suggest two things. 1. Dive Deeper: Make sure you cover what I call ‘The Big 6’ and have deeper conversations about trauma, conflict resolution, marriage, children, finances, and lifestyle. Perhaps there are some issues you two haven’t discussed? Gain clarity on if you are aligned in these six foundational areas. 2. Self-Assess: Ask yourself what part you play in why things aren’t working out. We tend to blame the other person almost reflexively, but it may not be their fault,” he explained.
A relationship coach is not for everyone, but if you feel that you need that extra help, Trulove is available to lend a helping hand.
“Right now, my first book, Friends First, is available on Amazon. You can also visit jerrelltrulove.com to buy online courses or get on the waiting list for my 12-week, 1:1 coaching program. Like any coach, if you struggle in relationships and have been for some time, it may be time to seek outside help,” Trulove said.
Trulove offers a free one-hour consultation call to discuss relationships and see if working together would be a good fit.
“My greatest hope is that we can begin to slow down and approach relationships with thought and careful consideration. I always say that if we learn how to pick better relationship partners, we only have to get it right once. I hope people can learn to focus on making the best choice possible,” Trulove said.
If you still feel this person isn’t right for you after diving deeper and self-reflecting, Trulove said it might be time to explore other options. He also shared one of his top pieces of advice.
“Pro-tip. Your next relationship will still have issues because no one is perfect. If you aren’t intentional about the next person you pick, you may find yourself in the same predicament all over again. Be careful,” he explained.
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